Good morning lovely friends! It’s crazy to think that we’re already well on our way into April - time F L I E S.
It’s been an interesting few weeks/months. I’ve started developing a love-hate relationship with my job, to be honest. I try not to complain, but in reality, I’m complaining so much in my mind. Each day has been the same - I get up in the morning, head into the office and dream of days when the workload is reasonable. I’ve gone from eight hour workdays.. to almost pulling 11+ hours everyday. I’m wondering.. am i just not working quickly enough, or is there too much work? The ambiguity is slowly breaking me down…
I know that for most people, their first “real job” is one that is tedious, busywork, etc. - I kind of see it, as if I’m “paying my dues” as I slowly build up experience. But I can’t help wishing for the next step already, the next opportunity.
Oh Lord, please forgive me of my selfishness. A year ago, I was striving so hard for a job opportunity and now that I have one.. I’m desiring for more and more. Maybe it’s time for me to move on and maybe it isn’t, but I pray that I go about it not in a sense to glorify myself, but to glorify You. Each and every day of this month, I pray that I am encouraged and motivated solely by God and that I depend on Him for strength. Because truly, truly I can’t do this alone.
April showers bring May flowers. I feel like I’ve been walking through so many showers these past days, but all the more reason for me to cling to our loving God. Here’s to a new month!
Goals for the next week:
1) Figure out the settings on my camera
2) Finish up the itinerary for SF (1.5 weeks and counting!)
3) Pickup cards and “A Thousand Splendid Suns”
5) Read through Romans
I never really realized how much I needed community until I found one.
I was in and out of church all through college, using my job and other interests as my excuse. For me, I always made sure I kept life in its distinct, orderly categories - school activities at school, church on Sundays, work on the weekends. I was uncomfortable when lines blurred and different parts of my life began spilling into other parts. I needed those distinct groups to have a sense of control over my life. As I’m nearing the close of my second year out of school, I realize one of my biggest regrets is not being as involved with a godly community. Being without a community for so long, has made me really open my eyes and realize just how important it is and how much I need one.
A few months after graduation, I had a conversation with a dear friend that really became a turning point for me. I remember explaining that I felt so indifferent, so lukewarm in my faith - that while deep down inside, I knew something was off.. but honestly, I didn’t really want to do anything about it. This friend encouraged me to push past my insecurities and put myself out there into the community, as vulnerable and alone as I might feel.
Here I was, fresh out of college, with no real idea of what I wanted to do (which is something I’m still learning!) and where I wanted to be. But in a way, it was also the perfect time to start fresh and really begin working on my relationship with God. It took a lot of nudging and prodding, but it was time for me to get out of my comfort zone and put myself out there.
Fast forward to the present day, and I’m so blessed to say that I think I’m finally finding my community. This is a community that encourages and challenges, keeps me accountable and really motivates me to focus on my relationship with God.
As I do life with this community, I pray that I can be more intentional about my relationships and really reach out in love. Whether it’s at church, home, out in the world or at work, I want to be intentional and invest in my relationships. Honestly, I struggle at times with the desire to be the one who receives, and I feel like I’ve “done enough” or I’ve “done my part”. Thoughts of “Why do I always have to be the one who reaches out?” or ”How come so and so can’t do it?” can run through my head. But thinking about it now, where would we be if God had only “done enough” for us? If He had done “just his part”? He loves us so much, that even when we reject him and cause Him pain, He continues to show us a love that is above and beyond what we can give Him. Amazing.
As a part of Compassion Sunday, we folded prayer boxes with the kids in Sonlight and encouraged them to fill the boxes with their prayers or promises. That way, they can be reminded of God’s everlasting love and how He answers our prayers.
I pray that I’m also encouraged daily by His love and His Word, that I give all my troubles up to Him and really be intentional about the community that I’ve been placed in. I pray that I can really learn what it means to be compassionate and share that compassion with others.